Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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