a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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