Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
