Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
