Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
