He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
