I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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