Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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