Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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