I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Less talking, more tequila
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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