I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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