If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize