I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
whose parrot is this?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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