i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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