Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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