I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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