I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize