Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize