Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
