dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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