Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A+ Viking dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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