Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
