Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
