i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my shit smells like andre
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
