Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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