Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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