Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
