My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
