Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
