He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
