my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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