i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
