Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize