worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
