wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
