Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
