woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
