maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize