Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize