I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
