Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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