I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
