apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
