Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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