My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
