I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize