Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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