I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
