i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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