my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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