I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize