I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
