Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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