The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
