This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
