If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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