Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
