I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
