i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
