You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
