it wasn't lemon gatorade
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
