It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
