You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk is a universal language darling
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
