google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
