I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
