I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize