just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How's work?
Spinning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize