all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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