I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
look no pants
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
