If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
