Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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