wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
