I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
