i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
