You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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